“The Ukrainian Observer” this issue announces the ultimate advertising contest, one in which we urge various creative agencies to begin sucking up now for the top places in order to avoid the pre-gala event rush.
It is called Dollars On The Dnieper, and carries with it the knowledge that the eventual winners will have demonstrated an uncanny knack at self — as opposed to client-promotion, client baiting and creative shmoozing.
While we will take no bribes, we do remind you that the competition for the top spots will be ferocious, and that the sponsor of this ultimate contest, The Ukrainian Observer, is a community service and could always use a serious donation.
As for the judging of this contest, we have the honest Willard boys, though we will admit some hard-headed types will cry foul from the start. We all know, however, that there are always sour grapes from the losers.
But the winners can revel in the knowledge that, although the contest is, shall we say, rather flawed and, in fact, dodgy to use an Eastender term, they are winners nonetheless by virtue of the fact that they won. Such is the Soviet logic.
Forget WMD
Forget WMD (that's weapons of mass destruction for those who have been on another planet) in Iraq. Where in the hell is that Kolchuga radar that caused international scorn a year ago?
It seems like only yesterday that Ukraine couldn't do anything right, what with journalist getting beaten and killed and supposedly credible accusations that Ukraine had sold valuable radar that could be used to seek out and lead to the destruction of U.S. aircraft.
At the time, President Kuchma couldn't buy a seat at the EU table. They wanted to exile him to the kitchen.
Now, Ukraine is a member of the "Coalition of the Willing" (or make that at least "Trying"), all is right with the world and Kuchma is almost buddy-buddy with Prodi and friends. What a difference a year makes.
Tuzla Moozla
I can't figure what all the fuss is about when it comes to Tuzla Island. It's certainly not worth a shooting war. Perhaps it is time for a little hard-nosed negotiation. A simple Ross Perot-style solution.
I'll make this suggestion: Ukraine ought to trade that 35 hectares strip of barren land in the Azov Sea to Russia in exchange for Moscow Mayor Luzhkov giving Gorky Park to Ukraine.
Even-steven swap. Simple.
Standing Invitation
Dear Mr. Ambassador, is any body Home?
About a month ago, The Ukrainian Observer wrote a very nice letter to our new American Ambassador, a gentleman by the name of John Herbst. We posted it, faxed it, and had it also sent by messenger.
We respectfully requested an interview.
Still no answer.
The last Ambassador, as we understand it, was not especially fond of the UO. He felt we were a little pesky when it came to sticking up for a sea captain who is representing Ukraine around the world. We were hoping to get off to a better start with Mr. Herbst.
So, by this item, and if anyone in the U.S. Embassy is listening, we apologize for all of our perceived former sins and prostrate ourselves in front of the iron gates of the greatest power on earth in hopes of interviewing the honorable ambassador.
Well, prostrate might be too strong a word.
No Man's Land
And finally, a suggestion to the City Administration. St. Michael's is a beautiful square, which, for some reason, you created but then allowed to become a super highway without benefit of traffic lanes.
The situation is maddening, even dangerous.
It is bad enough when the Oligarch and officialdom crowd pay scant attention to traffic signals and speed limits, but the creation of this "no man's land" is even disrespectful to the lovely, and shall we say statuesque, Princess Olga who guards the site.
Please, close off the square like it was intended, or may the curse of Olga forever haunt you.
|
