 Good Question(s) |
Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouths closed?
Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries have an expiration date?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?
Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
What do people in China call their good plates?
Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure.
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of the window?
-Peter Kay & Peter Drake
Peter Kay's Universal Truths
Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
Old ladies can eat more than you think.
You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal his or her nose.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Definitionally
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A backward poet writes inverse.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
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More in the section:
On Mistakes ("screw-ups")
Tax Cuts - A Simple Lesson In Economics
Read also previous issue' articles:
The $5,000 Loan
Last Words
The Water Cooler
Pyrohies
Home Improvement
Too many Questions
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