 And You Think Gas Is Expensive? |
A 16-ounce Diet Snapple costs $1.29. That's $10.32 a gallon. Prefer iced tea? A 16-ounce Lipton Iced Tea is $1.19, or $9.52 per gallon. Gatorade? A 20-ounce bottle is $1.59, or $10.17 per gallon.
Your car drinks more than gas. Just 12 ounces of brake fluid costs $3.15 - that's $33.60 per gallon.
Is the engine acting sickly? A 6-ounce bottle of Vick's Nyquil retails for $8.35. You'd cough up $178.13 per gallon for that. Or try Pepto Bismol. At $3.85 for a 4-ounce bottle, it costs $123.20 a gallon
Want sweeter-smelling exhaust? Try filling the tank with Scope. At $0.99 for a 1.5-ounce bottle, it costs $84.48 per gallon
Inventors have been trying to build an engine that runs on water. That may be a great idea - or not. A 9-ounce bottle of Evian water sells for $1.49. That fuel would cost $21.19 a gallon.
The next time you're at the pump, be glad you car only requires good, inexpensive gasoline!
Debt of the Dead
The death of a relative can cause unusual problems for those trying to settle the estate. The following is based on a series of actual conversations with a bank's customer service department:
When an aunt died in January, she had a zero credit card balance. But when the annual fee was assessed and no payment was received, a customer service nightmare ensued:
Relative: "I am calling to tell you that my great-aunt died in January."
Bank: "The account was never closed, so late fees and charges still apply."
Relative: "Maybe you should turn it over for collection."
Bank: "Since it is 2 months past-due, it already has been."
Relative: "So, what will they do when they find out that she is dead?"
Bank: "They will either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau - or both."
Relative: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
Bank: "Excuse me?"
Relative: "Did you understand what I told you - this customer is dead?"
Bank: "You'll have to speak with my supervisor."
Relaive: "I'm calling to tell you that she died in January."
Supervisor: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Relative: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Supervisor: "Are you her lawyer?"
Relative: "No, I'm her great-nephew." (Lawyer information given.)
Supervisor: "Can you fax us a death certificate?" (After they get the fax)
Bank: "Our system just isn't set up for death.I don't know what more I can do to help."
Relative: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her, I suppose. I don't really think she will care."
Bank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."
Relative: "Would you like her new billing address?"
Bank: "That might help."
Relative: Odessa Memorial Cemetery, plot number G-213)
Bank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Relative: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"
Lesson: Cancel your credit cards before you die.
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More in the section:
Signs of the Times
WHAT I DO FOR DEMOCRACY!
Read also previous issue' articles:
Bumper Stickers
Things Found Only in America
Devil in the Church
Generosity Begins at Home
Murphy's Other Laws
Some Interesting Facts
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