When most of you read this, the United States will either have a new president or have kept the same old Accidental President. In Ukraine,
a runoff will, most likely, be in the offering for the two top finishers.
In both cases, I give a damn.
In 2000 I didn't cast my absentee ballot, which is a frank admission for someone who worked on Washington's Capitol Hill for years, and who has always been involved in the Democratic process.
The vote particularly mattered because my home state of West Virginia went Republican by a small margin for the first time in memory.
Because of my single non-vote, I am responsible for a lot of calamitous occurrences.
• The U.S. had a recession.
• The U.S. became involved in
a quagmire in Iraq having little to do with the war on terrorism.
• The Atlanta Braves once again lost in the first round of the Division playoffs.
• And four huge Hurricanes swept across Florida last summer.
Though I am not certain, my lack of voting probably had nothing materially to do with the final two points. The Braves lost because they had season's-long tickets to the eventual Bosox-Cardinals World Series, and God has been upset at Florida for a long time for turning perfectly good swampland into Disney World.
Additionally, my older brother, The Conservative Republican, would blame the recession on that rascal Bill Clinton, and he surely believes the war in Iraq not only justified but jihad justified. He was probably just as happy I didn't cancel his vote.
Glen, I have broad shoulders. I can take the responsibility, said The Liberal Democrat.
In Ukraine election, as an American, of course I have no vote. That doesn't stop me from having an opinion, and I was asked to share that opinion last month when I spoke to a staff committee of the Supreme Rada.
"Can you tell us who will win the Ukrainian Presidential election," someone asked, as if I were clairvoyant and could actually foresee the obvious.
"Without a doubt," I replied, as my translator nervously whispered to me, "You can?"
"Of course," I forged on, and then launched into the very old and very tired political joke about "some of my friends are for Victor Yuschenko, and some of my friends are for Victor Yanokovich, and I agree with my friends."
It was a coward's way out, but then, living in an atmosphere where the walls have ears, it was a prudent response. But it wasn't the first time the question had come my way. During a news conference at UNIAN to announce my new Russian-language book, "PRschik", the first four questions were political in nature.
When it comes to dancing around tough issues, I am Fred Astaire. No,
I am has partner, Ginger Rogers, for, as the joke goes, she had to do every step he did - only backward and in heels. The fact is I train folks to stay on message for a living. I can see an accidental headline looming through
a pea-soup fog.
So, I told the assembled news people, that I continued as a guest in the country. and -- unless the rules have changed -- do not have a vote. As such, whatever I said on the subject of the election would have less impact than a Barry Manilow comeback. In other words, I took a pass.
This is the first semi-political column I have written in six months. There is a reason for this. I have been consistently wrong, as are most expatriates. After a decade in Ukraine, I am rather adroit at the East European business equation, but my optimism steps all over my pragmatism on political matters.
I keep looking for the good news, probably not to be found with the Hubble telescope, though slivers of light do come our way. However, when it comes down to it, lacking revolution or a universal aversion to soda pop, candy and toothpaste (I'm in the advertising business), the Ukrainian election won't change my life.
But, the fact is, I do give a damn, about both elections.
When I wake up in the morning on Nov. 3 (actually I will not go to sleep before CNN's Wolf Blitzer tells me who is the U.S. president), I will either break out the bubbly or call The Conservative Republican to congratulate him.
When the results come in on the Ukrainian election, I will probably merely shrug my shoulders.
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