 Work Excuse |
Employee: "I'm sorry but I can't come in today. My doctor says I suffer from Anal Glaucoma."
Boss: "Anal Glaucoma? What's that?"
Employee: "I just can't see my ass coming to work!"
Efficient Communication
Pythagorean theorem - 24 words.
Lord's prayer- 66 words.
Archimedes' Principle - 67 words.
10 Commandments - 179 words.
Gettysburg address - 286 words.
Declaration of Independence -1, 300 words.
U.S. Government regulations on the sale of cabbage - 26, 911 words.
Deep Thoughts
•Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
•Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
•I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
•I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.
•Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
•I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.
•I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
•If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
•I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
•I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
•I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.
•Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
•How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
•Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?
•Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
•Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."
•Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble.
•Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
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More in the section:
Ukrainian Observer BANNED! Where?
Aircraft Maintenance
Read also previous issue' articles:
Bumper Stickers
Things Found Only in America
Devil in the Church
Generosity Begins at Home
Murphy's Other Laws
Some Interesting Facts
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