For the rest of us, English-language television may be limited to BBC World, a great channel, taken in moderation. But, like Euronews and CNN Headline News, BBC World repeats the same story continuously until something better comes along. That may take days, and makes for a monotonous weekend's entertainment. And don't fall asleep with the set on - you'll awaken able to repeat each story, word-for-word, and the BBC World theme music will be inextricably lodged in your consciousness.
That's why the Internet is so great. It's available everywhere and there's no shortage of English programming. It's like television with 4.5 billion channels. Web surfing at work is slightly more acceptable than hooking up a TV at your desk, and because it requires at least some interaction, it's less passive than television, a mere spectator sport.
But just as television tends to aim low in the expectations department, so does the Internet. Television situation comedies are written for hip 12-yeard olds. Web pages are written by hip 12-year olds.
Both mediums tend to underestimate the intelligence of the user. The Internet is more culpable, if only because there are more Internet "channels" from which to choose.
Good examples are the FAQ pages that many Web sites maintain. These Frequently Asked Questions are the equivalent of
a Customer Service department for many sites, especially those that are trying to sell something. Which most are, by the way. Like TV programs, Internet sites cost money to produce (even for 12-year olds), and direct sales ("CoughSyrupforCats.com) and advertising (Nudist Correspondence School - Click Here) pay the bills.
With 81.3 million FAQ pages on the net, according to Yahoo, you'd think that at least one of them would answer your question. Don't count on it. The same customer service people who have been answering the public's questions about their company's products and services over the phone for years write FAQ pages. Across all industries, across all language barriers, customer service representatives share a common belief that customers are dolts. As a result, not much effort goes into the average FAQ page.
Q: I like the style and value of the Martin's Landing Genuine Egyptian cotton V-neck Cruise Sweater, but the Web site says it is available only in Frostbite Blue and Fish Belly White. Don't you have it in red?
A: No. Red is not available. The Martin's Landing Genuine Egyptian cotton V-neck Cruise Sweater is available in Frostbite Blue and Fish Belly White.
I recently wanted to make a reservation with Amtrak, the United States' passenger rail monopoly. There was no reservations telephone number listed on the Web site, except a domestic toll-free number that was of no benefit to an overseas caller. I wanted to buy a ticket for use during an upcoming trip, couldn't do it online, and couldn't call. The FAQs didn't cover the issue. In fact, I've been using the Internet nearly since it was invented, and though I continue to dutifully turn to FAQ pages for answers, I can't say I've ever had a question answered by one. Some have raised questions, though.
In an effort to provide a degree of customer service that goes beyond FAQs, many Web sites make it possible to send your question to the company using an automated system that was devised by the same genius who created telephone voice mail. Rather than simply providing an e-mail address, these helpful folks first require me to answer dozens of questions ("What's your annual household income? What bank do you use? What's your ATM card number? Never give out your secret PIN number! Enter it here and we'll guard it for you. Honest."). Failing to answer a question sends you back to the start, where all questions must be answered again.
If you get to the point where you actually can write out your question and hit the "send" button, you feel a tremendous sense of relief, not to mention anticipation. Your question is off, into the ether. Most will never be answered, or will be answered inadequately. Paying someone to answer the e-mail questions posed by potential customers isn't a huge priority. The same person who answers the 3,450 e-mail inquiries submitted each day also writes the FAQ page. Given enough time, they know that the pesky idiot prospective customer will forget he had a question in the first place, and just order the Genuine Egyptian cotton V-neck Cruise Sweater in Fish Belly White.
- Scott Lewis
|
