ISSUE: 203
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
IN A WORD

Hi on Health!
By John MARONE

Imagine that our stalwart student of Russian, Eurasian rambler or post-Soviet wannabe is purchasing something sinful like a pack of cigarettes, chocolate or a bottle of vodka from a Russian-speaking sales clerk or vender.

He carefully counts his change, oblivious to the dirty faced kid with his hand outstretched on the left, and the beefy babushka on his right, who is determined to muscle her way up to the cash register with or without his assistance. Then our linguistically sensitive hero hears the following phrase: "Na zdoroviye" [На здоровье].
The sales clerk's words register just fine - literally "To (your) health" - but the meaning causes some momentary confusion. After all, there is nothing among the collection of items that he has bought which could possibly improve his physical condition.

In the fitness-conscience English-speaking world, health means health with all the splendor of high-tech (and high cost) medicine, sexy co-ed gyms and skimpy meals served in packaging that lists the vitamins, minerals, fat and calories contained therein.

Russian speakers, however, have a more basic, if not almost fanatical, appreciation for a well-tuned human body. Suffice it to recall the muscle-bound physiques depicted in Soviet paintings and sculptures, or the racks of medals still won by athletes from CIS states.

Well before the introduction of aerobics, low-fat dairy products and $300 sneakers, people in this part of the world were eating buckwheat and visiting sports palaces, many of which have since undergone a remodeling job and now cost money to use.

In short, good health means so much to the average eastern Slav that he can't get through the day without referring to it.
"Na zdoroviye" is more accurately translated as "you're welcome" or (as the British would say) "cheers." It no longer has anything to do with health but still expresses at least superficial good will toward the person you are addressing.

The health root in Russian, "Zdorov," also appears in the verb for "to greet." "Zdorovatsya" is usually translated into English as to say hello.

If our imaginary expatriate is really observant, he might notice that 'real' men in Russia and Ukraine prefer to greet each other using the word "Zdoro'vo" [Здорово] rather than "Privet" [Привет] or "Zdravstvuiyte" [Здравствуйте] (the more formal of the three, but a devil to pronounce for foreigners without a trained tongue).
This isn't to say that "privet" is for sissies, but "Zdoro'vo" just sounds more like one of the boys.

These same real men would likely be keen on sport, fast cars and Arnold Schwarzenegger movies, but nevertheless have a weakness for alcohol and tobacco. Like for most real men, being tough not only means being able to jump out of second-story windows and break people's noses, but to punish your body from the inside as well.
Ironically, it is precisely during one of these sadomasochistic drinking rituals, at which the naive foreigner usually undergoes his initiation rites, that an another health root word is pronounced: "Za vashe zdorviye," [За ваше здоровье] or "To your health."
Of course, Russian isn't the only language to confuse dietary guidelines with invitations to bacchanalian bliss. The Spanish "Salud" is also used as a toast - with wine as well as tequila.

The Anglo-Saxon is more of a realist: It's either "Bottoms up!" (U.S.) or "Cheers!" (UK). Both leave no doubt as to the purpose behind the drinking.
What is strange, however, is that many a Russian-speaking man will offer generous and often gratuitous commentary on the nutritional value of food, sometimes appearing more finicky than the most dogmatic of health freaks.

The only possible explanation here can be that after smoking a carton of Soviet slims and imbibing the better part of a MiG-29's fuel tank (plus sugar), one at least should look after one's diet.

To be fair, the English-speaking world must seem no less ridiculous to Slavs, who watch hours of our films, where tight butted, flat stomached actors stuff their faces with fast food and fizzy soft drinks and don't even so much as belch.

The emphasis on health for beauty really is a Western import. The Marilyn Monroe look went out of style in the 50s, while today Olympic athletes pose nude for Playboy.

Tell an American woman that she looks healthy, and she'll mostly likely feel flattered. The same thing said in Russian, "Ona zdorovaya," [Она здоровая] would be considered an insult. "Zdoroviy" means healthy as well as husky, or robust. When referring to a woman, it translates as something like "she's a heifer."
For the East Slavs, health is about strength and thus potential, which leads to prosperity and eventually happiness. You need a strong body to work, make money and then enjoy it.

This is why when a Russian sends you on your way with sincerity, he will say "Budte Zdorovy" [Будьте здоровы] - literally "Be healthy" or figuratively "Take care." The phrase is also translated as "(God) Bless You," when someone has sneezed. Note how English used to treat a common cold, or health in general, with such reverence. Russian has maintained much of this in its attitude toward health.

So now you understand a little more about the enigmatic Russian mind. Good job. Or "Zdo'rovo," as they say in Russian.

Read also previous issue' articles:
Neither a Borrower
Just Don't
In a Word
Hot or Not
Animal Farm
Just Beat It



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