"You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday." - Purportedly from an English-language sign posted in the lobby of a Moscow hotel.
If you don't know what is wrong with that sign's grammar, read no further. This article is not for you.
Any expatriate who has been in Ukraine more than a couple weeks has his own favorite story of bad or unintelligible English found on a menu, form or sign. I remember one Ukrainian restaurant that offered chicken navels, though I doubt that's what they really were serving. An upscale restaurant's business lunch option includes "pich," which the server described as veal. I have no idea where they came up with the word pich - the only reference to it that I could find was to a Khmer word for diamond. As it wasn't an Asian restaurant,
I doubt that could have been it.
Another unforgettable menu description: "Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion."
The purpose of this article is not to snicker at the misuse of our language, but to extend a helping hand. It's laudable that Ukraine's government and businesses are offering signage, forms, menus and other items in English. Using what has become the world's favorite second language helps create a more inviting environment for the tourists and investors that we all want to discover this country.
Once the decision to produce an item in English has been made, only a little added effort is necessary to ensure that the usage is correct. After all, language must be understood to be useful. Moreover, poor usage defeats the purpose of communicating. It renders the communication unintelligible, creates misunderstanding that can have serious consequences, or risks making the user look foolish or uneducated.
The language used on the immigration card foreigners complete before entering Ukraine has varied from poor to inscrutable, offering microscopic instructions and improbably little space for responses. A recent version advised: "This card must presented together with teh (sic) passport to Ukrainian border authorities when crossing the State border of and is kept for the whole period of stay in Ukraine."
The newest version is much improved: "This card together with your passport should be presented to the Ukrainian
border authorities while crossing the Ukrainian state border. You should keep this card for the entire period of your stay in Ukraine."
Kyiv's Boryspil International Airport has recently completed a much-needed renovation. Five years ago, when I first arrived, it was a stark, uninviting place. It still isn't London's Heathrow or Chicago's O'Hare, but it is much improved. Not the least of these upgrades was the addition of numerous bilingual (Ukrainian - English) signs. Someone obviously put thought into the English signage, but failed to go quite far enough. The English in signs above the ticket counters is poor, and Customs warnings are nearly incomprehensible. A cafe has been built outside the arrivals area - a nice accommodation for people meeting flights - but the sign posted near the tables is indicative of the overall problem: "Place for having meals," it reads, stating the obvious. Then, in capital letters: "FOOD CORT."
It would be easy to say that there's no excuse for bad grammar or misspellings. There are dozens of perfectly legitimate translation agencies in Kyiv, many of whom employ native speakers. Plus, there are hundreds of native English speakers residing in the country. There are also hundreds of Ukrainians who are highly proficient in English.
Blame and derision don't address the problem, but Ukraine's native English speakers can help.
Though a native speaker, my English grammar and usage isn't perfect, though it is light years beyond my ability to write or converse in Ukrainian. I am grateful that on the occasions when I've relied on computer translations to express myself in Russian, for example, competent colleagues have invariably offered to put my thoughts into more acceptable form.
I suggest that we return the favor, forming a voluntary corps of native speakers to act as an unpaid, on-call resource to the Ukrainian government (for starters). Send us the proposed wording for signs, the text for forms. A proficient proofreader will provide the correct text quickly.
I am convinced that there wouldn't be a great deal of this work to do, but that the government would reap an immediate and tangible, if small, benefit, as tourists and other visitors would be greeted in proper English.
Eventually, the English Brigade could tackle menus. For the price of a meal, the country's restaurateurs would be able to offer customers menus that actually reflected the cuisine on offer.
The best solution remains to hire a professional translator, but when that isn't an option, a few well-educated volunteers could make a big difference. Everyone would benefit, except, perhaps, the chicken navel supplier.
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