For those who watch what they eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all the conflicting medical studies:
1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausage and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
Conclusion:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Retirement Plan
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock a few years ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.
With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of Beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling Refund, you would have had $214.00.
Based on the above, current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg Plan.
Men Are Just Happier People
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Wrinkles add character.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
No Wonder Men Are Happier!
|
