 Memorable Epitaphs |
Alexander the Great
"A tomb now suffices him for whom the world was not enough"
Gracie Allen and George Burns
"Together again."
Mel Blanc
"That's all, folks!"
Winston Churchill
I am ready to meet my Maker.
Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
"Stop, Christian Passer-by! - Stop, child of God,
And read with gentle breast. Beneath this sod
A poet lies, or that which once seem'd he. -
O, lift one thought in prayer for S.T.C.;
That he who many a year with toil of breath
Found death in life, may here find life in death!
Mercy for praise - to be forgiven for fame
He ask'd, and hoped, through Christ. Do thou’t.
Benjamin Franklin
"The Body of B. Franklin, Printer
Like the Cover of an old Book
Its Contents turn out
And Stript of its Lettering & Guilding
Lies here. Food for Worms
For, it will as he believed
appear once more
In a new and more elegant Edition
corrected and improved
By the Author.
Jackie Gleason
"And away we go!"
George Johnson (unknown) -
Here lies George Johnson
Hanged by mistake, 1882
He was right
We was wrong
But we strung him up
And now he's gone.
Jeremiah Johnson (unknown) -
I told you I was sick.
Rob Roy MacGregor -
"Despite them"
At the time of Rob Roy's fame, the MacGregor name became banned and was never allowed to be heard or seen by law. The epitaph phrase in full, "Rob Roy MacGregor, despite them" is a last standing testament to defy that law.
Dean Martin
"Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime"
Karl Marx
"Workers of all lands unite. The philosophers have only interpreted the world in various ways; the point is to change it."
Groucho Marx
"Excuse me, I can't stand up."
George McDonald (Scottish Children's Writer)
"Here lie I Martin Elginbrodde.
Have mercy on my soul Lord God
As I would do were I Lord God
And ye were Martin Elginbrodde"
H. L. Mencken
"If after I depart this vale you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner, and wink your eye at some homely girl".
Lester Moore (unknown)
HERE LIES
Lester Moore
four slugs from a 44
no Les, no more.
Edgar Allan Poe
"Fly Quoth the Raven,
'Nevermore.'"
(From his poem "The Raven")
William Shakespeare
"Good friend, for Jesus' sake forbear
To dig the dust enclosed here.
Blessed be the man that spares these stones,
And cursed be he that moves my bones."
It was not unusual, at the time of Shakespeare's death, for corpses to be removed from graves and burnt allowing for the reuse of the grave site. Shakespeare's grave remains undisturbed.
Frank Sinatra
"The best is yet to come."
Robert Louis Stevenson (by himself) - 1850-1894
"Under the wide and starry sky
Dig the grave and let me lie,
Glad did I live and gladly die
And I laid me down with a will.
This be the verse you grave for me:
Here he lies where he longed to be.
Home is the sailor, home from the sea,
And the hunter home from the hill."
25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP
Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
You watch the Weather Channel.
Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."
You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up.
You're the one calling the ! police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
You take naps.
Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
"I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh S*$# what the hell happened?"
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More in the section:
“I Get No Respect”
From Dangerfield to Shakespeare
The Texan and his Volkswagen
Read also previous issue' articles:
Bumper Stickers
Things Found Only in America
Devil in the Church
Generosity Begins at Home
Murphy's Other Laws
Some Interesting Facts
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