 Points to Ponder |
I used to eat a lot of natural foods, until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
- Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily,
it is a valuable plant.
- The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
- Never take life seriously; nobody gets out alive anyway.
- There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
- Life is sexually transmitted.
- Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
- Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
- Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
- Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
- All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
- In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
- How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
- Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly thingies here, and drink whatever comes out?"
- Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there? I'm going to eat the next thing that comes out of its bottom."
- Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
- Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
- If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
- Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
- Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
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More in the section:
Bananas For Good Taste, Good Health and Killing Aphids
Read also previous issue' articles:
Bumper Stickers
Things Found Only in America
Devil in the Church
Generosity Begins at Home
Murphy's Other Laws
Some Interesting Facts
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