 Recently, a number of lost "Laws" were discovered. As such, I would like to share with you, Murphy's Other Laws:
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- He, who laughs last, thinks slowest.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
- The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
- It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
- If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
- Flashlight - A case for holding dead batteries.
- The shinbone is a device for finding furniture.
- A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
- When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!
Different Points of View
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh wow! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test. The driver's license examiner showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the examiner asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank the good lord," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "Careful! Put in some more butter! Oh no! You're cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh no! Where are we going to get more butter? They're going to stick! Careful. Careful! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. Use the salt! The salt!" The wife stared at him.
"What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
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